silence speaks when words cant

Assalamualaikum ,

i miss the old days when i am with you . i miss you, i miss the love from you, i miss the whole same thing about you . without you, things i love dont seem to be in place anymore . everything i do , every mistakes i make, everything i myself will open up the stories to you and now, i have to realize by myself for what have i done when it was actually you should be telling. im sorry for not being the perfect princess for you . i dont even try . i regret everything . in the past, when you were with me, i dont do things right. absurdly mad over anything . as time passes by, you left me hanging with thousand words unsaid . i have to stand look for all of them , sum everythings up and get the meanings right .life isnt a riddle for me to gamble, so i am now wandering around people and look for the key to the case you set in my head . one by one gave me the clue , Alhamdulillah bit by bit the key is now with me . the precious key ive been searching is the precious advices i heard , i compared and i held underneath my heart . obviously i changed better . if you were to see me now , surely you would be proud with what ive found . its been so long , long enough right after you taught me everything and i just didnt listen . after regretting, searching, i found it back the things you taught me to be, using the key i made . patience, tolerance, acceptance in life. such a funny thing when i give it a thought of why was i so foolish back then letting go the diamond you tried to pass . and then when i lost you, i went back search for what i threw . so funny . 


by above, i learnt lesson and try to give it a try whenever i face an obstacle with anybody . some excuses popped out of nowhere .all i could do is to stay silent. holding onto 'quiet person is with the loudest mind while the one who utter is simply empty inside'. it hurts when i have to be independent about life because like before, you would be giving the answers directly and i dont have to think about it . simple, i tell you and you give out your opinion and boom problems solved . after years, i am still not the strong princess as i should be . i am still unable to solve things in a proper way. i wonder when will i be on my own feet without asking anyones help . i hate when i have to share because i dont want people to think i need their empathy cause i dont . you are now so far but forever in my heart and thoughts . missing you is a must , youve been missing me too for too long right . i hope you are doing well there i tell Him that I love you deep down . until we meet again , as i am struggling with life , sweat and tears accompany me well replacing you by my side . i miss you . a lot . 

this sentences from you 'Mama support anak Mama dari belakang, jangan risau' forever with me . 

-beya-

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The lion is alone no more 🫧

Dear 🫧 This writing is supposed to only thank you for the dinner treat. But here goes what’s on my mind.  I have always known that I have so much love in me, but I have no one to give it to. A significant other. Until I found you. You want it. Thank you for wanting me to love you. Thank you for choosing me, allowing me to pour all my love that I have, to you. I feel chosen and accepted. For the longest of time, I thought I am hard to handle. Especially when everyone said that I am a strong woman. Who can live with no men. But they forget, lumrah manusia yang mempunyai keinginan hidup untuk berpasangan. Bukankah itu yang dicipta Tuhan. “Dan Kami telah ciptakan kamu berpasang-pasangan”  Surah An-Naba: 8 — Yes I am strong, and I am a whole. I don’t need a man to complete me. Because I am complete, myself. But I do need a man to complement me.  I thought I must be aware of men. Cannot let them know that you’re vulnerable. But you show me otherwise. That it is okay to trust a...
Read more >

"Tengok TikTok Tun Laila, dia dah explain"

Assalamualaikum and hi. Two months have passed, and I just got the time to write. So I can recall and relive the moment.  Some day in February 2024, while I was casually waiting in front of the Immigration, Putrajaya for settling my client's case, like always, I used the time to record a video. The day before that, a case went viral for the Federal Court's decision; Nik Elin v Government of Kelantan. As someone with law background, my followers always ask me on viral cases. I usually refused to comment nor create content about it since I understand an opinion from an outsider can affect the proceeding of a case, even though you are a lawyer. At least that's what I have experienced myself as a greenhorn. But this time, I felt like I needed to discuss on the case since some people took it in the wrong way. Also because it is not an ongoing case anymore, but it has reached the final decision from the highest Malaysian court; the Federal Court.  My intention was only to straigh...
Read more >

Dear A.

Assalamualaikum and hi.  There was this one time, I questioned God. That if you were not meant for me, then why did our path cross? Because that night, we were not supposed to meet. As I was supposed to come on another date. But some things happened, that I couldn’t come and I was scheduled a new date, with you. Then I asked God, why? Why him? And why me? Had we not met, we would not know each other’s names, nor be taking pictures. You would not know my existence, nor would you give me your number. And I would never…. ever texted you. No texting, meeting, no catching feelings.  Time flies very swiftly. Fast, but it felt right. You put the words together, and I did too. We were both excited to what our future holds. I asked you if you see me in your future, and you said yes. “I want you for a lifetime.”, you said. I hope you know that you made me feel, safe. And understood. And some other foreign feelings I could not express. You’re the easiest guy to communicate to. All this w...
Read more >