The lion is alone no more 🫧

Dear 🫧

This writing is supposed to only thank you for the dinner treat. But here goes what’s on my mind. 

I have always known that I have so much love in me, but I have no one to give it to. A significant other. Until I found you. You want it. Thank you for wanting me to love you. Thank you for choosing me, allowing me to pour all my love that I have, to you. I feel chosen and accepted.

For the longest of time, I thought I am hard to handle. Especially when everyone said that I am a strong woman. Who can live with no men. But they forget, lumrah manusia yang mempunyai keinginan hidup untuk berpasangan. Bukankah itu yang dicipta Tuhan.

“Dan Kami telah ciptakan kamu berpasang-pasangan” Surah An-Naba: 8

—

Yes I am strong, and I am a whole. I don’t need a man to complete me. Because I am complete, myself. But I do need a man to complement me. 

I thought I must be aware of men. Cannot let them know that you’re vulnerable. But you show me otherwise. That it is okay to trust again. And it is okay to love again. 

“I don’t allow you to drive at night”, you said.

I was stunned. Never in my entire life, a man, other than my father and brothers, said that to me. No man ever be brave enough to think they can say that to me. After I move out, all this while I was used to being alone, independent, going here and there all by myself, that no one can say no to me. Again, until I found you. Your “I don’t allow” humbled me.

In a way, once again you challenged my ego. But this time around, for good reasons. It must be tested sometimes. You were right, I can win any argument with anyone, but I know my place when I am speaking with you. You did not demand me to respect you, but you earned it through your actions. It feels good knowing that somebody actually cares, it feels nice that I am being well taken care of.

—

“Kalau happy, tell me. So that I know I am doing the right thing.”, you said.

I didn’t realise that you want to learn how to properly love me. There are so many times you had me smiling over your simple text. Like your “Tak faham la baby.” “Hi love”. I love the endearment and I smiled… every time. But I didn’t react to you because I thought you’ll be laughing at me, when you know how deep I have fallen for you, your actions and your words. 

So this is me, being vulnerable and am telling you what makes me happy. So that you know you are doing the right thing, like always.

—

You make me your priority. Instead of just saying it, I do feel it from you. When you constantly say “After all is done, I will make it up to you.” Or “Cant wait to share with you the news.”

It’s like… your world could crumble, or your day could be hard, but at the end of it, you will find your own way back to me. As if I am your home. Your safe place.

—

“I am not going to let anyone taking you away from me. Never. They can try. But they can’t have you. They can be rich, or handsome. But they cannot win against me. I’m a champion, a fighter. There is something about me that I know they don’t have.”

(not in verbatim, but the idea is there)

I love how you are so secure. You know what you bring to the table and you know your worth. Everything about you sayang, is what they don’t have.

—

Even on your busy day, you will drop me a message, it can be random or a quick rant. Like I’m important. You make me feel loved, and appreciated every single day. Thank you. For a moment I don’t have to beg to be treated right. Finally, someone is taking me seriously. “Someone who is sure of me, and wants me too.”

—

Loving you is easy. I don’t have to try. I don’t have to teach it, or force it. It just flows in me, reaching into your cup. I will try my best to be as understanding as I can be. On your good or bad days, there’s no piece of me that wants to add any kind of burden on your shoulder. 

—

I had no idea what my life will be, years from now. I thought I have it all. I have no other purpose, but to work, and provide for my family and friends. That’s it. No other purposes. But you, are something… I look forward to. Not just today and tomorrow. You have become my new life purpose. My future. Before this, when I try to imagine what life could be, I used to be scared. But with you now, it doesn’t feel scary anymore. I am excited. And it feels lighter too.

—

I do have one fear. I fear that one day, my love for you grows too much, that I forget Him as The Creator. The One who owns our hearts. Yang memiliki dan yang mampu membolak-balikkan hati. I love you, but I pray that my love for you will never be greater than my love for Him. That we are all His servants, dan setiap satunya, adalah sebuah pinjaman. Semoga bahagia yang dipinjamkan, adalah kekal dan cukup.

“If He can take from you something you never imagined of losing, He can give you something you could never imagined of having.” (and vice versa)

You came when I wasn’t looking. I didn’t know that you are my missing piece. A perfect match to my puzzle. Now that you are in front of me, I don’t think I want to go a day without you. Such a gift from God. 

So 🫧, what I’m trying to say here is, saya sangat… sangat sayangkan awak. And thank you for the dinner. And everything in between.

Yours truly,

Laila 🦁

p/s: tomorrow on 25th May 2024, will be exactly 1 month after we bumped into each other at Restoran Sri Kelantan.