Baiknya Tuhan pada aku.

Assalamualaikum and hi. 

I am typing this in my office, taking a break from Court's Recording Transcript. My heart is full of joy, but I'm on the verge of crying. This blogpost is going to have an expression of my heart, in two different years. One year ago, and today's.

Today on 6th March 2025, we have entered Ramadan on 5th day. To be honest, entering Ramadan now has been so emotional because I never really moved on from Ramadan 2024. When I went through a silent and quite journey of me finding my God, preparing myself for my first ever Umrah. I prayed hard for me to have my period before I flew. So that I can perform my Umrah and pray everyday in Mekah and Madinah. And He granted my exact prayer. I remember I cried happily. After my Umrah journey, I have came back with  my love for my religion and God has grown fonder than ever. But still, I can't quite fathom ways to move on from the Umrah journey itself. It was truly one life-changing experience. 

Yet here we are. Ramadan 2025. Once again, I wish to utilise my best to gain as much as good deeds as I could. Since in this holy month, it's so easy to gain good deeds. Because a lot of things are multiplied. Like solat, tadarus, even one (1) huruf equals to 10 deeds. But I prayed to have my last 10 days of Ramadan to be clean. I want to meet one sacred night, resembles my name, Lailatul Qadr. 

Yet today, He grants me my wish. Time and time again, He showed me that He heard me and my little heart. Supposedly my date will be in between 13-18th of March. I was so afraid if my period comes late and I couldn't pray for my terawih for the last 10 days of Ramadan. Alhamdulillah Ya Allah. I jumped like a small girl. A feeling only girls understand. Putri was overjoyed for me too. 

Thank you, Ya Allah. I will live my life pleasing You. Thank you for this beautiful month, and opportunity. I will not let it slide. 

Throwback to one year ago, 2024. Bismillah.

------------------- Baiknya Kau pada aku Ya Allah. 

Tarikh harini 27 April 2024. Maksudnya ada 3 hari lagi sebelum aku akan berangkat ke Mekah, dengan Bapak. Mekah dulu, baru Madinah.

Aku baru habis solat Maghrib ni. Dalam bilik aku, kiblat aku ke kanan sikit. Depan aku ada almari baju, warna warni, tempat favourite Latte untuk tidur macam anak gajah. 3 hari lagi, this is not going to be my view. Macam tak percaya, betul ke aku akan solat depan Kaabah? Betul-betul ke ni? Depan benda yang selama ini aku dan orang Islam lain kiblatkan? Finally right in front of my eyes? Bukan almari  baju dah? 

In 2022, I made a video to counter lies from the people. I said, "Tuhan aku satu, kiblat aku Kaabah". Fast forward, I am actually going to see my Almighty God. 

Maha Suci Allah, tariklah nyawa aku ketika aku berada dalam keadaan redha-Mu. 
Dalam keadaan aku beribadah kepadaMu. 

Few days ago, Bapak told me all of a sudden. "I will try my best not to burden you". Maybe to him, he will be troubling me. Aku hampir menangis, he did not know that my whole intention to be there is for my ibadah, and taking care of him is part of my ibadah. I want to do my best for him. I want him to be as comfortable as he can. 

Ya Allah, izinkan aku untuk jaga Bapak ya. Kau berikanlah rasa bahagia dan kesenangan dalam hati Bapak sepanjang disana nanti. He has done a lot for me and my siblings, never once I made him happy the way he deserved. So please, let me do this for once.

The reason why I am writing this now, is to tell a story of how good God is, to me. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mendengar. Selama sebulan aku risau, pasal period. Of course, perempuan kalau pergi umrah mesti risau kalau period. Take all the initiative, injection or pills to stop the menstruation. So that we can perform our umrah well. But there is no certainty, if He wants to test you, He will. Even if you take pills or any kind of injections, if He said you are going to have your period, you will have it.

(I am not the type to share this with the public, but this time around, I think I must.) > My period is supposed to be on 28th April. And we are going for umrah on the 30th. So I know I must take the pills or inject. At the same time, since Ramadan, I pray really hard to Him. Please let me be clean the whole time from Mekah to Madinah. Even though umrah is only at Mekah, but I want to utilise my time even at Madinah for my ibadah. Hence, I asked him to please let me be clean, please delay my period with the help of the pills. 

Last week, I went to the pharmacies to get the pills. The doctor told me to take it 3 days before my scheduled period and to continue taking it until I am done in Madinah. As I was counting days, I got my period on the 19th of April. I was.... really happy. I cried. Because He granted my prayer. To be clean during my umrah. Supposedly on 28th, but I got mine on 19th to 25th, and on the 30th I will be completely clean. Without injections or pills. Alhamdulillah. 

Jangan ragu-ragu dengan Tuhan. Yakinlah bahawa Dia mendengar semuanya. ----------------

💗

And that's all for my blogpost today, I will have my 'iftar' with Eryn later. Finishing my work and will be recording a video for today's TikTok and probably Instagram posting today.

Till next time!

Yours truly,
Tun Laila Tun Rafaee
5:27PM, Ramadan Day 5
Chambers of Aminahtul Mardiah, Kuala Lumpur.