The Endless Path

today i went to work with swollen eyes. sebab banyak sangat menangis semalam. nasib baik la semalam seth ada marah jugak, boleh la jadi alasan orang tanya kenapa mata sembap. that was not the first time, tak ingat dah berapa kali menangis sebab sedihkan benda yang sama. cuma semalam kebetulan dia text time tengah breakdown. irsyad: aku as lelaki, kalau betul perempuan seksi macam tu memang kawan aku, aku like je la kot gambar dia. tapi aku memang takkan comment la. jonas: i wont like the sexy girls pictures even kawan saya because i know amanda wouldnt like me do that. i respect her and i know if i like sexy girl’s pictures, she will feel insecure about herself more. i dont want her to feel that way. kalau saya nampak post macam tu saya scroll through je. i wont like, comment pun tak akan. what is your own true definition of happiness? i hope you find it. i guess i am not it. for 3 years, did i not make you happy enough to have your eyes only on me. because if i made you happy...

Assalamualaikum, Today, 31st January 2020. I just got home from work at Tealive, shoot straight from Putrajaya Court, my internship place. Punch out from court at 5PM, punch in at Tealive at 6PM to 11PM. I’m tired, of everything but I signed up for it 😞 I had my lunch at 1PM and I haven’t eaten since then. My body needs a rest I know, my mind needs peace. My heart needs a mend. But neither of it gets anything. Today, I am done with my second week of internship, I have 3 weeks more before my class starts. Today, tonight, at this hour, it marks one week of, we stopped talking. I am still sad. I am still mad. Faham tak rasa macam hati kau rasa sesak. Macam kena tekan. That kind of hurt. This still hurts. I swear it still does. He still wishes me good night and good morning but, I have no power to start a conversation again. We just left it hanging. I don’t know if I can go any further, I feel powerless. Rasa dibodohkan. Rasa sia sia. Marah. I want this to stop. Rasa macam taknak ada ka...