Dear Readers, #HappyNewYear2025
Assalamualaikum and hi,
It always feels foreign every time I start to write here, again. Maybe because the gap between posts are long, I was away for too long.
But hello readers. I am writing this in my court attire, in the Bilik Saksi Kanak-Kanak, Mahkamah Gua Musang, Kelantan. I should have a criminal trial at 9AM, but it got postponed to 2:30PM, hence, this writing.
When I was driving, I wasn't feeling happy. Unsure why. Maybe because things are just overwhelming. Maybe because it is that time of the month. Things happened so fast, along the way there were some regrets, there were a lot of blessings. I feel like giving myself time to feel.
A lot of things happened last year and this year that I wish I could put everything in this post. But first thing first!
I pursue my studies 🎓🥵📚👩🏻🎓
Postgraduate Syariah Studies in UiTM Shah Alam, every Saturday 8AM-9PM. And my Mandarin class every Monday at 8PM. I kind of regret taking it because I couldn’t understand Arabic. There are 5 subjects in total; Family Law, Criminal Law, MAL Procedure, Usul Fiqh, and Judiciary.
The only subjects that I can fathom are the first two. Usul Fiqh is the toughest I cry every time.
2024 recap? 🎥🎞️
Reading my "Dear Readers, #HappyNewYear2024" post, I mentioned about my relationship status. That things ended between me and Afiq and he was then seeing someone and nearly getting married.
Time passes by, and things progress. Afiq is now married to a sweet girl. No, we are no longer contacting, I only knew from his cousin sister, Yana's Instagram. She's a good friend to me and Melur. I don't dare to cut things off with her when she has always been genuinely kind to me. Lost a lover, gained a friend. On his wedding day, I was also at a wedding. But as a wedding emcee. Looking back, how irony things can be.
How a couple promised to marry each other, not knowing what the future promised them. They had no idea that on one particular day, they will be both at a wedding venue. Different wedding venue where one, as the groom, and the other as the emcee. I remember there was time when I said "I hope you're happy even when you're not with me" and now, it came true. I wished him happiness that he was getting, and I still wish him happiness, now.
🦁💙🧩🩵
In that #HappyNewYear2024 post too, I wrote about how I was single and it can get lonely, how I had faith in Him and told myself that He knows what's best for me. True enough. He grants me a gift, a special someone. Found my missing piece of a puzzle. A thoughtful one, the one that makes my life to have its new purpose, something to look forward to, everyday. A future.
This man is indeed a blessing from Him. We’ve met once in 2021, had a badminton game together with our other friends. Since then, we’ve never seen each other again. But God is indeed the Best Planner. I met this man nearby my office building 3 years after our first meeting, 3 days before I flew to do my Umrah.
I was confused and nervous, why did you suddenly appear when I wasn’t looking. Why were you suddenly there when I was focusing on myself, for my God.
And so, I leave everything to God. Bapak prayed for me right at the Mataf in front of Kaabah, he said “Bapak doa Beya dapat lelaki yang baik untuk Beya, yang boleh jagakan Beya bila Bapak tak ada nanti”. With Bapak’s doa, so I asked The Almighty to give me certainty in front of the Holy Kaabah, mentioning your name in secrecy.
“Ya Allah, ada satu lelaki yang datang 3 hari sebelum aku pergi Umrah, I don’t know what is his intention, but You know. If this guy is good for me, make it easy for him. If he is not, don’t let my heart to attach at what’s not meant for me. Aamiin”
I met another man in Madinah, who was a heaven-sent. But long story short, we accepted the fact that he was sent to help Bapak, not for me.
As soon as I came back, I was down bad with fever, and the man whom I prayed for certainty in Mekah? He met Bapak and my brothers the next day. And I met his mother and his family the next week.
I am utterly grateful that this man is always proud of me. Always, even the little things like I finished a storyline today, or recorded/edited/posted a video today. Read a case, or finished preparing cross questions. Any, any small things. Before this I used to celebrate my small wins by myself. But this man, he views my "small wins" the same as I do, and celebrates it together with me. Sometimes we go get ice cream or Family Mart frappe because I/he did something that day.
It can be as simple as that, just an instant noodles dinner or as best as buying each other watches and other surprises. I literally have a list of what I like about him, from the smallest things. Anything that comes into my mind, I jot it down so that I can always remind myself how He blesses me with such a great man, inside and out.
He knows the right words to say too, knows what to do. I didn’t have to teach. I wish that I can do the same to him, because this man deserves me at my best. He makes me feel like I need to be the best version of me, for him, if not for me. My feelings grow for this man and I can feel that it is for the right reasons.
🐻❄️🐈🐶🐈⬛🐻
I pray to have a bright future with this one, and our cats. Oh yes, Latte stays with him now since I travel/outstation a lot of times, and she's happier with him too. I do miss her always, but I know she's happier there. She has 4 friends there, they have a roll-call every morning. Morning/Evening walks, favourite spots to sleep, loved by everyone in the house (yes my future family in law don’t just love me, they love my cat like theirs too) 🥺
I will wait for the day when I can finally live with this gentleman, cook and do grocery with him, doing house chores with him, decorate and choose the designs of our home. And the one that I wish the most is, is to travel with him. He makes me wanting all the things that I wanted to do alone, to now doing everything with him. I pray that he is equally happy to be with me, like how I am happy being with him. At ease and in peace. My serenity, someone whom I can come home to. My home.
💍🫧
We are planning a wedding together! It is exciting, really. Attended our kursus kahwin together, choosing the themes, surveying the wedding halls, choosing the fashion designer, going to appointments, but as of now, that's just the basic one. We have yet to plan the details and particulars of our wedding.
Anyway, a lot of people think that my wedding will be a grand one, they said because I have status (?) But honestly, I just want a small and intimate wedding, where I can smile genuinely. I just want to be comfortably happy on the day. Where I don't have to fake smiling and greeting people or relatives that I don't like. If possible, I wish my guests can be limited to just 200 pax. I know having a grand wedding won't make me happy nor comfortable.
In another words, things are progressing for me and him, well there are some hurdles between families wishes, but this one is so mature and smart that he knows how to handle things. I can't. I could give up in a blink of an eye. Now that I have this man, I cannot imagine planning a wedding with another man. When I thought the bar I had was high, this one sets the bar higher than whoever can. Upwards and onwards, higher and higher with this one.
So remember, when you are in love, you might honestly think "I don't know how to live without you", like how I used to think in the past. It was one honest thinking, truly. But apparently, when the time comes, when the situation needs you to live, when living is not an option but the only way. You will continue to live, just fine. Maybe a few little hurdles along the way but you will, know how to live without the person. And believe that He will give you something better than what He has taken. Just have faith, and live to please Him.
That is the relationship status/update. May the next post be an update where we are married. Hopefully I can write as often as I used to before (literally wishing this in every post lol. I got busy with law works, and social media engagements.
💻🗂️👩🏻⚖️
As for law work, I am still with Chambers of Aminahtul Mardiah. We moved to a new office btw! I like the new office better. It is spacious, good lighting, my table is bigger, and nearer to the pantry, many restaurants are just below our office, can even do grocery run at Mercato. Oh and easy access to parking! Since we have the season pass now, I don't have to park illegally if we came back from court. There are also things that I don't like about our new office, the lavatory though nearer, but I don't like it. And the bus is so far! Still accessible but not as in Publika before. And I miss the healthy meal nasi putih with lauk at Restoran Sri Kelantan, Publika. The place where I bumped into my man, after 3 years.
My new office? Imagine, every day I walk pass the Mercato to the smell of fresh baked breads and fresh flowers. If I wasn't on diet, I would've grabbed my hot chocolate everyday and seize the day with it. The Almighty has been really kind to me, being financially stable, securing a stable job, sleeping in a clean place, having a healthy relationship, loving family and future family in law (especially future parents in law who love to cook for me, hehe), good new car, good health, steady social status, good education, best circle of friends and more.
Alhamdulillah for I am again living my best life from You, for You, Ya Allah. Thank you for making life better and better for me. Forgive me if I am being ungrateful of the blessings.
For my social media engagement, my TikTok account is at 932.5K now. I got busy with other stuffs and couldn't find the time to post many personal videos so, engagement is a bit slower. But that's okay, no time limitation, nothing to rush. Just focusing on my law work and maintain my social media as it is. If it slows, it slows.
Oh and I got nominated in Gempak Most Wanted Awards again, same category (Educational and Motivational), if last year I was nominated together with my boss, Puan Min, this time I am nominated together with Datuk Wan Azmir. I kind of hope that I can excuse myself from it, because I don't know how to dress to big events... I hate feeling uncomfortable being around big names. I can be timid too sometimes, especially when I don't have my circle around me. I love to mingle around people but I found myself being unfamiliar in big events. I just... don't know how to carry myself. But if being nominated means letting people know that my content can sprinkle a little glitter to some people, I'm glad. I just hope that my content helps people, in anyway it can.
Just a little update. Me, Puan Min, Puan Nurul and Datuk Wan Azmir are in collaboration with an Educational Institution on TikTok, to educate the public on law, in a different way. Because we make videos talking/sharing about law and now we're doing something different this time. By acting! Yeap, I... act.... not hard actually. Just tired of waiting, the time wasted from waiting for the camera to roll.
I have done a lot this year, how I wish I could get all of it posted on my Instagram, as my digital diary. But I am just too busy that I don't have the time to sit and choose the which-is-better picture, and write the right caption etc. My Instagram post was last updated in 2023, the picture of my pre-graduation. Really hope I can update my posts there, since a lot of remarkable achievement deserve a post. Might do so later IDK.
🗞️🔐
For this new year of 2025, I hope that I can read back at this post, and be happy to see anything that I wish today, comes true. I hope the people that I have now, stays. I hope Latte lives as long as I do, I hope He continues to bless us with His rezeki, I have to get going now, Happy New Year, everyone. May Allah keep us all in His loving hands. Bye!
Tun Laila Tun Rafaee
2:28PM
Mahkamah Gua Musang, Kelantan
Malaysia
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