The Endless Path

Assalamualaikum and hi, It always feels foreign every time I start to write here, again. Maybe because the gap between posts are long, I was away for too long.  But hello readers. I am writing this in my court attire, in the Bilik Saksi Kanak-Kanak, Mahkamah Gua Musang, Kelantan. I should have a criminal trial at 9AM, but it got postponed to 2:30PM, hence, this writing. When I was driving, I wasn't feeling happy. Unsure why. Maybe because things are just overwhelming. Maybe because it is that time of the month. Things happened so fast, along the way there were some regrets, there were a lot of blessings. I feel like giving myself time to feel. A lot of things happened last year and this year that I wish I could put everything in this post. But first thing first!  I pursue my studies 🎓🥵📚👩🏻‍🎓 Postgraduate Syariah Studies in UiTM Shah Alam, every Saturday 8AM-9PM. And my Mandarin class every Monday at 8PM. I kind of regret taking it because I couldn’t understand Arabic. The...

Dear 🫧 This writing is supposed to only thank you for the dinner treat. But here goes what’s on my mind.  I have always known that I have so much love in me, but I have no one to give it to. A significant other. Until I found you. You want it. Thank you for wanting me to love you. Thank you for choosing me, allowing me to pour all my love that I have, to you. I feel chosen and accepted. For the longest of time, I thought I am hard to handle. Especially when everyone said that I am a strong woman. Who can live with no men. But they forget, lumrah manusia yang mempunyai keinginan hidup untuk berpasangan. Bukankah itu yang dicipta Tuhan. “Dan Kami telah ciptakan kamu berpasang-pasangan”  Surah An-Naba: 8 — Yes I am strong, and I am a whole. I don’t need a man to complete me. Because I am complete, myself. But I do need a man to complement me.  I thought I must be aware of men. Cannot let them know that you’re vulnerable. But you show me otherwise. That it is okay to trust a...

Assalamualaikum and hi. Two months have passed, and I just got the time to write. So I can recall and relive the moment.  Some day in February 2024, while I was casually waiting in front of the Immigration, Putrajaya for settling my client's case, like always, I used the time to record a video. The day before that, a case went viral for the Federal Court's decision; Nik Elin v Government of Kelantan. As someone with law background, my followers always ask me on viral cases. I usually refused to comment nor create content about it since I understand an opinion from an outsider can affect the proceeding of a case, even though you are a lawyer. At least that's what I have experienced myself as a greenhorn. But this time, I felt like I needed to discuss on the case since some people took it in the wrong way. Also because it is not an ongoing case anymore, but it has reached the final decision from the highest Malaysian court; the Federal Court.  My intention was only to straigh...

Assalamualaikum and hi.  There was this one time, I questioned God. That if you were not meant for me, then why did our path cross? Because that night, we were not supposed to meet. As I was supposed to come on another date. But some things happened, that I couldn’t come and I was scheduled a new date, with you. Then I asked God, why? Why him? And why me? Had we not met, we would not know each other’s names, nor be taking pictures. You would not know my existence, nor would you give me your number. And I would never…. ever texted you. No texting, meeting, no catching feelings.  Time flies very swiftly. Fast, but it felt right. You put the words together, and I did too. We were both excited to what our future holds. I asked you if you see me in your future, and you said yes. “I want you for a lifetime.”, you said. I hope you know that you made me feel, safe. And understood. And some other foreign feelings I could not express. You’re the easiest guy to communicate to. All this w...

Assalamualaikum, and hi. Dear readers, 4th February 2024 --  Today I'm outstation for work at Batu Pahat, Johor. Being a watching brief (Peguam Pemerhati) for a murder case. Committed, as always.  I’m not supposed to spend the night since its only a one-day-matter. But things happened. Luckily I came prepared, brought all my essentials just in case. Puan Min told me to just stay the night. Checked in a good small space for me to sleep my worry away. My meeting will be at 10PM later, I will be getting my dinner before the meeting. There’s always first time for everything. This is my first time being at Batu Pahat. Clueless, as always. This paragraph is written, while I’m waiting for my chicken chop with mushroom, and mango juice. Typing this on my iPad, with my airpod on noise cancellation. Pushing myself into my own world, alone by myself. I didn’t know that I needed this much peace and a long drive away from KL. For me to be at a foreign place for a while. 5th February 2024 -...

Y ou were... interested in me. I remember when you wanted to talk to me. You looked for me if I wasn't there. You wondered if I was doing okay when I told you I was sick. You wanted to see me, you asked me out for dinner. Even though you weren't eating, but at least we meet. Just so you could hear me talking. You said you wished you could hear me talking, everyday. All men said that. But the truth is, they will eventually change. Just like the nights, people change too. That's how it is. You can never guarantee anything. Because we do not know. But He knows. "He knows what is in every heart" Al-Mulk: 13 But the worst feeling is, noticing all of these changes and not being able to point it out because if you do, you're only annoying the person even more than you already do. Dear readers, have you ever felt this way? Didn't you wish you weren't so observant? Sometimes I wish that we could go back to the moment we had. To the moment when  you were... inte...

Assalamualaikum, and hi. It has been two years, since my last posting. Reading my last post, I was happy that I got dean’s list for my final semester. And in 2021, I was so…. in love. Time flies, in a blink of an eye. Happy 2024, my dear readers (if any). I wish I could tell each and everything that happened in the span of two years, here. So you don’t miss out any.  Just in case you are new here, hello. My name is Tun Laila, and I will turn 26 years old this year. Nobody really reads ‘blog’ nowadays. But as someone whose dream was to become a writer since I was in highschool, I have started writing since then. Hence, this blog. It has become a place where I journal my feelings, a place where initially nobody cares. Nobody reads. Anyway, to make it short (hopefully), I had finished law school! My brother and I did, together. Just like how we wished it to be. We graduated in August 2023, one week before my 25th birthday. We got called to the bar too! Yes, just like how I prayed, I s...