rindu (friends)

Assalamualaikum, and hi!

Today I had my criminal 1 paper done, Alhamdulillah, I did my best like I always do. It was hard but as long as I did my best I think that should suffice. I think I did okay. Ironic isn't it. When you go tell people "its okay you did your best" and she replied "I did my best, but it wasn't enough". That was me then. I am different now LOL #2020energy. So, I have 2 more papers (equity and ADR). I miss hawa, yong and anak anak, kak siti, my brothers, bapak yang kat Ipoh, dina. Everyone that has significant place in my heart.

It is hard...to adapt. I am still adapting tbh. For not having my cliques around me. For studying alone. I cried yesterday and today. Tapi tak teruk k ciked ciked ajer. Maybe because I got to know my criminal carry mark isn't what I expected (yes kids when you expect high, you get disappointed deeper). Also at the same time Sir Rizal (equity lecturer) texted saying he lost my test paper?? And Afiq called while at it. Everything is just a liiiitle bit too much in one night for me to handle. But everything's gonna be okay, Laila.

I was reading the topic abetment while crying and Nurul texted me. "beya, nurul baca criminal sambil menangis"... Dang! Is that how telepathy works? Cuz GURLLL same 😂😂😂😂  we catch up and it was for a good 17 minutes.

Here's the thing. I just miss my friends. That's it. That's the topic of this entry. For one whole semester, it feels like i am hopping along from a group to another. I have my ADR best-friend, my equity best friends, my criminal, admin and land class best friends. At first, its always me coming into class and just sit beside random people like "ada orang tak sini?". Because its my first time no one is saving seats for me. I am mostly in different class with my friends, but the good thing is I got to know new people. They were nice to me. Really nice, very welcoming and accepting. But yknow, because I have different sets of good friends or should I say just, my classmates. They are not always around, I see different faces in different class, I don't stick to one. The conversation on texts pun pasal study, topics and classes. Nothing personal. Its just so different back then. When I used to have the same face in each group for different subjects.

________

Seth has Izzaaz and Endah. Seth always have Izzaaz to go to library to study with. And I am alone at home. Because, my friends are far. They are not flexible (not a bad thing). I am far too. Sometimes tak rajin la sis nak drive jauh jauh nuuu. I blame the situation. It just that, I miss staying in college because I have my friends around. Kalau nak ajak jumpa, tak free. Jadual lain lain. Time ada class pun, different schedule = different lunch break. So always habis je class I don't know where to go, I'll just sit in the car.

Paper today start at 2, dekat DATC. (Dewan Agong Tuanku Cancelor). Izzaaz, Seth and I arrived at 12:40 kot? Seth and Izzaaz turun, I stayed in the car. Study dalam kereta. Depan DATC tu ramai sangat orang, study together. Then, I saw Nurul, Anis were walking with Izzy and others. I was sad, because, I should be with them. But no, I was in the car, alone. That's what I felt for this one whole semester. For every time I see a group of friends walking, laughing together, I'm happy for them. But that made me miss my group slightly more each time. Where you can talk about everything, silly and serious things. I don't have that now. It's not that they are ditching me okay, NO. They and I have different priorities now. I am with the Sem 3 students, they are with Sem 4. My batch. Like Seth, always invite me to join him to study together, but, I don't know. I think I'm the type yang "not my cliques, then I don't enjoy it". Kesian orang orang orang yang try to pull me from this lonelinessess, cause that don't work.

But heyyyyy turun je kereta tadi, met my sem 3 friends like Nana, Adneen and Kamar, Areena, Puteri and ramai (yang I don't know her name but also nice people) they "LAILA!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!" me 😭😭😭 and willing to revise topic with me. I mean, I don't feel left behind. Faham kan, sometimes kita kenal je dia but tak tegur sebab (many reasons contohnya: I WAS MEMORISING CASES or I don't wanna talk to anybodiii etc) hahhaa. Oh I always have a thing with these sem 3 students tau (in a good way). Nana, Kamar and Adneen are basically my idols. They are beauty with brain. And soft spoken BUT funny? And nice?? Wheww the list would be long. Maybe because I will find something good in a person and observe. hahaaha. But yeah, camtu la sometimes I can be shy around them because they are like 10/10 and I am what. 3? Do you get what I mean, its like you're talking to someone you look up to. That's how! Tapi tu dulu la masa mula mula kenal, now I think I'm normal dah kot BUT THEY (especially Kamar) ALWAYS SO SWEET TO ME AND SAY NICE THINGS TO ME!!!! God bless them please for making me feel happy.

I think Seth noticed I was not okay, so he asked me if I was okay and of course when people ask if you're okay when you're not okay... YOU WILL BREAK DOWN. at least I did. Seth pats my back when I told him all these and okay now he is dragging me to go watch movie. At Shah Alam. With Sufyan and gang? ONZ!!!! 🤩🤩🤩

Sekian rintihan hati untuk hari ini.. ehek gittuu~

Yang sentiasa rindu,

Yang sentiasa sendu, pelajar semester 4 dalam golongan pelajar semester 3,

Laila Rafaee,

11:00PM

Depan DATC, Shah Alam.