we all sin, differently.

Assalamualaikum and hi!

The title itself, seems convincing. But I’m yet to write something that is, I know going to get a lot of disagreements. But here’s my opinion which no one asked for. (this might be a VERY long post) Semoga dijauhkan dari fikiran fikiran melayu ortodoks. Bismillah.

I have known this one girl, she got into law school and is enrolling in her first semester. What triggered me was her whatsapp status. That time, the hot issue to bE DiscUsSed by everyone was regarding the Pencetus Ummah divorcing their pregnant wives. So her status was something like “I want to help these oppressed women, because I had been in their position. Not once, but twice.”

My impression whilst reading: you,,, broke up with your boyfriend, bukan diceraikan suami...

and I continued to read

“Tapi Alhamdulillah, Allah Maha Adil, kalau kita hilang something, Allah akan gantikan dengan yang lebih baik. Macam Allah kurniakan partner I yang sekarang, yang lebih handsome, richer and tak berkira.”

and she continued saying how she managed to excel in her studies. she also said she had cut herself during her first breakup at the age of,, 13. that is Form 1. she also had been taking sleeping pills during her second breakups when she was doing her diploma.

I lost it. I have A LOT of opinions to give which I had replied to her too and be left on seen (did not expect a reply)

1. It was very nice intention for you to have ambition of helping oppressed women for their infringed rights. But, you broke up with a boyfriend. Those women were divorced by a husband. I don’t know the level of heartbreak, I mean I don’t deny that heartbreaks exist in a relationship, any kind of relationship. Family relationship, friendship, boyfriend-girlfriend and husband-wife. It exists. But I don’t know the degree of the heartbreak. But okay, good intention, okay.

2. However....you don’t use religion, to justify your actions. Allah Maha Adil, betul. But Allah tak kurniakan your boyfriend. I may sound like preaching religion but here’s a FACT. Without a legal marriage, any tie outside it is haram. Dalam bahasa mudahnya, couple tu haram. Apa yang haram, adalah haram. Couple, arak, tak tutup aurat, mencarut, rasuah, seks songsang mahupun tak songsang. Adalah haram. I had known a girl yang “we did hold hands, but kiss???” Is it not the same with “aku mengaku minum arak, but setitik je, bukan sebotol??”  🆘🤡

No matter what level you are committing the sin, yang haram adalah haram. Period.

When the girl said “Allah kurniakan partner sekarang” (which is her boyfriend), to me, sama macam LGBTQ movement’s yang “Allah yang kurniakan perasaan ni.” 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

We all sin. We all sin differently, maybe level kita tak sama tapi we all still sin. But, you don’t go around parade the sin. You don’t go around showing off what you do, trying hard for people to accept what you are doing, and try to make it a trend. DO NOT NORMALISE SIN. And don’t use the “sins you mock today will be the sins you commit tomorrow”. Hate the sin, not the sinner. I don’t deny that but why can’t you just take the advice and go. It’s the society. Some people tegur sebab kisah, some people tegur sebab nak bash. Differentiate that. That “sins you mock” bla bla bla tu applies on yang bash. Bukan yang genuinely wants to see you better. Take it from the positive side. Even if orang yang tegur tu esok commit the same sins, so what? You’re happy sebab sekarang sama sama sekapal ke? To you that person is so much of a hypocrisy? Don’t have to go far, just admit “yes this is a sin but this is my choice, thank you sebab tegur”. Tak perlu nak justify apa apa. Back to the girl’s statement, sama macam statement pendosa pendosa yang gunakan agama untuk justify their actions.

Just because Allah izinkan maksiat untuk berlaku atas muka bumi ni. Doesnt mean Allah redha. Just sebab Allah izinkan kau untuk angkat jari tengah, doesnt mean Allah redha dengan perbuatan tu.

If you want to commit sins, diam. But you don’t have to justify using religion, if its a sin, its a sin. Commit lah kalau kau nak but don’t shove to people and drag anyone to agree with you.

That are the first and second point.

3. Self harm because of break ups. I cannot stress this enough. To guys and to girls. (pendapat diluar konteks agama). You love, but please please please spare some love to yourself. Especially girls. Do not be desperate of guys love. I have a few friends that I love dearly admitting to me that they just want to end their lives because their boyfriend cheated. Again, I don’t know how painful is it, BUT. don’t be selfish. You literally have A LOT MORE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU GENUINELY.

Those people were there with you even before your boyfriend (now ex) came into picture. I was there for you the whole time. These people never break your heart, never make you cry. But, just because of one person treats you bad, you decided to end your life. Then what about us? Do we deserve to lose you too? I know this is harsh I’m sorry but I was still mad because, I think this love-hard type of girl is selfish. You put your boyfriend above your family, above your friends. We were okay if we were never your priority like your boyfriend was but at least acknowledge our love towards you too. Before you decide anything, think about us too.

If there are teenagers or kids reading this (I highly doubt that) but if there are. I really want to emphasise this. Love, but LOVE YOURSELF MORE. Do not rely on someone for your happiness, that is unsure, unsafe and un-needed. We don’t promise tomorrow, anything, literally ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. Girls are so strong if you believe in yourself. It is not the end of the world. You have so much things ahead of you, you have a career to secure, you have family and friends to love, you have a bright future ahead. Don’t let a boy, ruin all that.

If you come from a broken family or toxic family and friends. Prioritise yourself. Guys are not everything. Love from a guy do not feed you. You get up, work and become financially stable girl, go get yourself an education, secure a job. Your future is not just to be with a man. Change the mindset. You are so powerful if you believe it. You don’t “If I fall, I fall hard” me GIRL. ITS 2020 THE ONLY PERSON YOURE GOING TO FALL IN LOVE HARD WITH, IS YOURSELF. WE STIMULATE SELF LOVE FROM NOW ON. Girls power. #Laila2020energy

That’s it for this post wheww its so long 🥵🥵

A girl,
Laila Rafaee,
3:05AM
Subang Jaya.

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