The Endless Path

Assalamualaikum and hi yes... might sounds simple to you. but its not to me. braces was the first ever thing i spent on myself. the process cost me RM7K of my own hard-earned money. its always easy for me to spend on people, but not on me. so the braces/retainer was the first EVER. the sentimental value. i lost it. its gone for good. i cant remember how many times i misplaced the box/retainer kat kedai makan. or worse, i didnt bring the box so i'd put it in a tissue. which when i left the table i didnt notice the tissue was not rubbish.  yesterday, i was tired, just finished working and i was starving so i had dinner with friends kat kedai. dah lewat so kedai nak tutup dah, and i was rushing nak balik. at 3 am in the morning i noticed i forgot to take back my retainer on the table. of course the shops closed.  went there twice, look for it and couldnt find it. got the owner's number, and he said none of the staff noticed so probably dah buang. and garbage truck dah ambik sampa...

"if only people were honest about how they feel" maybe some things were better left unsaid maybe its fine to give second or even third, chance maybe i was the problem maybe its okay for me to learn how to trust again how guys can be so deceiving the hardest thing for me to do is to move on from the past mistakes he made. because the denial ive been living in. i cant accept this. hes been trying hard to make me forget, hes been putting so much effort to win my trust again. but the problem is, no matter how much he tries, no matter how much effort he puts in. i may be happy at that moment. but only at that time. because when i came home, when i came across the thought of it, the past mistake echoes in my head. like a flashback. and i instantly be furious again.  i really dont know what the future holds, but i am for sure want this one to be in mine. but, for the time being, if he chooses to stay, and still try, i dont know where this is going, honestly. i dont know if one day, ...

Assalamualaikum semua halo im in the car, thinking, and contemplating. i want to take a break, dont feel like going to work, just feel like writing...  im sad ☹️ sad because im tired. and i have no one to talk to. i know my friends are around. but i dont have the vibe to socialise with people now. i know if they ask me how am i doing, im embarrassed to tell them that im tired. so i’ll just say im doing ok. struggling but ok. plus i feel like a burden to them already.  wouldnt it be nice to have someone who eagerly waiting for you to get home. waiting for you to settle for the day and talk about your day. to have someone whom you can complaint being tired to, fatigue body and pening kepala. i feel like talking to him but hes always with his game. even if im talking, i feel like his focus is somewhere else. even if he asked me about my day, i feel like he’s asking just to carry on a conversation, not because he really cares or he really wants to know. you can feel someon...

Assalamualaikum, and hi! Day 42 of Movement Control Order (MCO). Hari ke 42 Perintah Kawalan Pergerakan (PKP). Ramadhan Kareem to all Muslims. I hope youre in a pink of health, bestowed under His blessings and mercy 💙 The world is facing a pandemic, covid-19. A contagious and deadly virus started at the end of 2019. Malaysia is enforcing MCO for two weeks initially, because the symptoms of the virus can be identified after 14 days in human's body. But the government is extending the MCO for few times now, for good reasons. MCO is not a lockdown, get the difference. People can still move, to go out and get groceries done. Essential services is also allowed to open, but controlled. Limited from time to time. One person per family to go out to buy things. #StayatHome #SocialDistancing How are you doing?  I am with Seth, my brother at home. Just us. Bapak is at Ipoh with Dina, and my other brothers and sisters are everywhere all around world. Keeping them in my prayer each time...

today i went to work with swollen eyes. sebab banyak sangat menangis semalam. nasib baik la semalam seth ada marah jugak, boleh la jadi alasan orang tanya kenapa mata sembap. that was not the first time, tak ingat dah berapa kali menangis sebab sedihkan benda yang sama. cuma semalam kebetulan dia text time tengah breakdown. irsyad: aku as lelaki, kalau betul perempuan seksi macam tu memang kawan aku, aku like je la kot gambar dia. tapi aku memang takkan comment la. jonas: i wont like the sexy girls pictures even kawan saya because i know amanda wouldnt like me do that. i respect her and i know if i like sexy girl’s pictures, she will feel insecure about herself more. i dont want her to feel that way. kalau saya nampak post macam tu saya scroll through je. i wont like, comment pun tak akan. what is your own true definition of happiness? i hope you find it. i guess i am not it. for 3 years, did i not make you happy enough to have your eyes only on me. because if i made you happy...

Assalamualaikum, Today, 31st January 2020. I just got home from work at Tealive, shoot straight from Putrajaya Court, my internship place. Punch out from court at 5PM, punch in at Tealive at 6PM to 11PM. I’m tired, of everything but I signed up for it 😞 I had my lunch at 1PM and I haven’t eaten since then. My body needs a rest I know, my mind needs peace. My heart needs a mend. But neither of it gets anything. Today, I am done with my second week of internship, I have 3 weeks more before my class starts. Today, tonight, at this hour, it marks one week of, we stopped talking. I am still sad. I am still mad. Faham tak rasa macam hati kau rasa sesak. Macam kena tekan. That kind of hurt. This still hurts. I swear it still does. He still wishes me good night and good morning but, I have no power to start a conversation again. We just left it hanging. I don’t know if I can go any further, I feel powerless. Rasa dibodohkan. Rasa sia sia. Marah. I want this to stop. Rasa macam taknak ada ka...

Assalamualaikum and hi! The title itself, seems convincing. But I’m yet to write something that is, I know going to get a lot of disagreements. But here’s my opinion which no one asked for. (this might be a VERY long post) Semoga dijauhkan dari fikiran fikiran melayu ortodoks. Bismillah. I have known this one girl, she got into law school and is enrolling in her first semester. What triggered me was her whatsapp status. That time, the hot issue to bE DiscUsSed by everyone was regarding the Pencetus Ummah divorcing their pregnant wives. So her status was something like “I want to help these oppressed women, because I had been in their position. Not once, but twice.” My impression whilst reading: you,,, broke up with your boyfriend, bukan diceraikan suami... and I continued to read “Tapi Alhamdulillah, Allah Maha Adil, kalau kita hilang something, Allah akan gantikan dengan yang lebih baik. Macam Allah kurniakan partner I yang sekarang, yang lebih handsome, richer and tak berkira.” ...

Assalamualaikum, and hi! Done second year of law school! Seronoknya tidur tanpa tanggungjawabbb!!! But not yet, I havent gotten my sleep since I finished my last paper this morning. And I just realised I had not taken a proper meal for two days? Seharian tu makan 3 keping roti je. Stressing over studies really made me lose my appetite. Allah blessed me with good health, no gastric 💙🦋 Finished my ADR (alternative dispute resolution) paper this morning and that marks the end of my second year of law school. 4 semesters done! I have 2 years to go, that is another 4 semesters. I am so happy that I had finished this semester. Probably because its the most challenging one. 9 subjects in total. Full credit hour. Just feel like writing tonight, I went home straight after the paper, and fetch Puteri at KTM Subang and sent her to KLIA. Arrived home at 8pm. Bapak asked Seth and I to go to Ipoh. I want to, but not as fast as tomorrow... I mean, I want to sleep and rest and recover I sit too ...

"It hurts that your closest family member says that "You should do something about your snob face. Instead of that, i really hope that people would accept me for who I am." I did the "ask me anything" on instagram and I received this. Here's my view. Firstly, I am sorry that you had to encounter that. That is the meanest thing someone could ever say to you. To anyone. To me, I really don't get it why people have the audacity to comment on someone's physical. I mean, we were created by Him, the same God. He created us beautifully, fairly. Only humans like to compare this and that. Let's start from there. It is subjective, babes. One person can say your face as snob, one person can say your face is pretty. different interpretation, different view and different opinions. Its just that to me, I would never give my opinion on someone's face because umm?? Some opinion is best to be kept to yourself??? You don't go around saying things about...

Assalamualaikum, and hi! This post is going to be a long one, this has been in my draft list so long.... here’s me introducing myself. My name is Laila, I am 21 years old this year. I am astounded myself that I actually love to write since I was 16,,, 5 years ago and now I start to write again. Lets hope that I can keep this pace and be consistent to keep this blog alive okay 🥺🥺 I am a second year law student at UiTM Shah Alam. With Seth! My brother or people be mistaken us for twins.. 😂🥱🤦🏻‍♀️ Okay, trust me, I wish I can tell you what happened for the past 5 years. There were so many things I encountered, so many people I met, few that came but didnt stay but I'm looking at the positive side, I have so many things to be grateful for! ✨💫 For the past years, I enrolled in UiTM Dengkil for my law foundation studies and I got a place for degree. Along the way, I had gotten the experience of working at Food and Beverages Industry (F&B) like Subway, Baskin Robbin and Fat C...

Assalamualaikum, and hi! Today I had my criminal 1 paper done, Alhamdulillah, I did my best like I always do. It was hard but as long as I did my best I think that should suffice. I think I did okay. Ironic isn't it. When you go tell people "its okay you did your best" and she replied "I did my best, but it wasn't enough". That was me then. I am different now LOL #2020energy. So, I have 2 more papers (equity and ADR). I miss hawa, yong and anak anak, kak siti, my brothers, bapak yang kat Ipoh, dina. Everyone that has significant place in my heart. It is hard...to adapt. I am still adapting tbh. For not having my cliques around me. For studying alone. I cried yesterday and today. Tapi tak teruk k ciked ciked ajer. Maybe because I got to know my criminal carry mark isn't what I expected (yes kids when you expect high, you get disappointed deeper). Also at the same time Sir Rizal (equity lecturer) texted saying he lost my test paper?? And Afiq called whil...

Assalamualaikum, and hi!  Today's entry is from my instagram post caption. And I added sum. Bismillah. Never had I promised my tomorrows. If today is my last day, there are so many things I want to apologise for. I ask for forgiveness from each, and every single soul I've encountered throughout my whole life. I have met a lot of people, and to whom this may concern, to whoever knows my name, to everyone I’ve talked to, I hope you will read this, once I'm gone from this world.  If we were friends online, thank you for trying to keep in touch with me. Trust me when I say “I hope we’re friends forever”. I totally mean it. But I’ve been at my lowest self state, I’ve been in a very toxic environment for quite some time, that I tend to push people away,  including those who cared about me. I don't know why did I do that. Paranoid. Selfish. Probably. I' m sorry. I'm sorry for not providing at least, a reason. I'm sorry I left you hanging. You did no harm. Even...